When it comes to dating, many people fall into a common trap during the early stages: focusing more on making their date like them instead of assessing if they actually like their date. This approach often leads to trying to fit into someone else’s ideal, which can mean losing sight of finding a partner genuinely compatible with you.
Trying to mold yourself to appeal to someone else may work in the short term, but it risks attracting someone who likes this tailored version of you, which might not hold up in the long run. The aim should be to find someone who embraces you for who you are enthusiastically and joyfully.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. It’s a widespread tendency, albeit a daunting one, as your personality naturally acts as a filter in dating. However, embracing this fact can work in your favor, especially in the early stages of a relationship. This is the perfect time to learn about your interactions with your date before investing more deeply. Remember, it’s a success when someone realizes early on that you’re not a good fit for them – it saves time and emotional energy for both parties.
To better navigate the dating world and effectively screen potential partners, consider these tips:
- Don’t shy away from disagreements. Avoiding conflict might prolong a relationship with someone who might not handle disagreements well. It’s better to express differing opinions as they arise, seeing them as opportunities to learn about each other and gauge how your partner handles divergent views.
- Focus on how you and your date handle disagreements, not just on avoiding them. While shared interests and goals are important, disagreements are inevitable. It might be more valuable to be with someone who can empathetically understand your perspective during conflicts, even if you align slightly less on interests, rather than someone who aligns closely but handles disagreements poorly.
- Be True to Yourself
- In the initial stages of dating, it’s crucial to relax and be your authentic self. Instead of always trying to look perfect, show up as you normally are most of the time. Notice how you feel in this more relaxed state – do you still feel attractive and desired?
Reflect on these important aspects:
- Are they genuinely interested in your perspective and keen to learn more about you?
- How do they handle disagreements? Are they respectful and collaborative, or do they dismiss your views and avoid resolution?
- Pay attention to your feelings when you’re with them. Do you have a positive experience? Do you feel seen and considered?
- Observe whether the parts of yourself you value most are engaged and vibrant in your interactions.
- Are they open to learning from you, and do you find yourself eager to learn from them?
It’s common for people to be preoccupied with questions like, “Do they find me attractive? Did I say something odd?” or to get swept up in the feeling of being liked, losing sight of their own opinions about their date.
Constantly trying to gauge your date’s reactions can disconnect you from your own feelings. If you’re overly focused on seeing yourself through their eyes, you might lose track of your personal view of them. Centering yourself is key. Take a moment to breathe deeply and connect with your body. Reflect on your emotions regarding your date – do you feel excited, alive, and free, or do you feel stressed, unheard, or shut down?
Remember, wherever you are in your journey to find a partner, you deserve to feel empowered and hopeful. Here’s to finding someone who truly makes you feel alive and joyful.