Home » Interviews & Stories » We Polled 20 Women: What’s Your Ideal Opening Message on a Dating App?
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Taking the step to download a dating app? That’s simple. Choosing the ideal photos that best depict you and crafting a bio that strikes a balance between informative and witty? That’s more challenging.

But, the real test? Crafting that initial clever message right when you find a match that piques your interest. Given the plethora of messages women encounter on these platforms, making an indelible first impression might seem daunting.

Thus, we sought insights from 20 genuine women about the standout one-liners, queries, and messages they’d love to receive on dating platforms. Just a heads up: a mere “Hey, what’s up?” won’t suffice. However, cheese-themed lines might just do the trick. (We’re as baffled as you are.)

Cara J.

I appreciate when a man is keen on shifting our conversation off the app. Something like, ‘Hello, I’m genuinely interested in learning about you. If you’re open to it, here’s my number (insert #).

Victoria G.

Engage with an element from my profile. For instance, I have a fondness for cheese. An ideal opener? ‘Noticed your love for cheese. There’s this fantastic Italian spot with a four-cheese gnocchi that I’ve been eager to try. Care to join?’ This appeals because A) it’s intriguing and B) it shows effort to be distinctive. Even if we chat and I find we aren’t compatible, you’ve already left a more lasting impression than the generic ‘Hey.

Rae P.

Mention something connected to my photos or bio. Once, a match referenced my skydiving picture, asking about the experience of jumping in New Zealand. Connecting over mutual interests is always a winner.

Anne S.

‘Quickly list three essentials you can’t live without.’ Challenges like this, which are playful yet not creepy, appeal to me. It demonstrates character and originality.

Sasha B.

To me, a straightforward ‘Hello! How’s your day?’ is preferable. It feels more mature and assured than a ‘What’s up?

Marie L.

Pick out an element from my profile or photos to discuss. For instance: ’Noticed you were at a race. I’m also quite into fitness.’ This initiates a two-way dialogue and lets us bypass unnecessary small talk.

Samantha M.

I’ve received amusing memes as an opener. One particularly hilarious one had cartoon heart eyes, which was a fun way to express interest without being overly direct. Definitely more engaging than a simple ‘Hey.’

Caitlin D.

Begin with something like, ‘I was drawn to your profile. Where did you travel recently?’ or ‘How long were you in San Francisco?’ Highlight specific details from my profile; they’re mentioned for a reason.

Amy S.

I’m quite content with a basic ‘Hello, how’s your day been?’ Questions like ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or blatant compliments feel too forward and aren’t my cup of tea.

Caroline T.

Pose a question related to my profile. It’s evident when someone’s put thought into their message rather than sending generic lines to everyone. For instance, asking about a concert photo and relating it to a recent one you attended.

Rachel D.

Directness works. Something like, ‘You seem intriguing. I’d love to meet up sometime.’ And avoid cliché pickup lines, please.

Brielle A.

Highlight the quirks of dating apps and self-deprecating humor without appearing overly insecure. For instance, ‘Crafting a witty one-liner for this felt more stressful than my SATs. Would be great to get to know you beyond this platform.’ This feels genuine and piques my interest.

Laura W.

Witty remarks or questions about my photos or bio always stand out. I frequently feature my nephew; he’s dear to me.

Amanda H.

Inject humor related to the dating app context. A line like, ‘Hi, I’m Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I enjoy cheese and have a roommate named Frank.’ would get my attention. However, if the reference is missed, it might fall flat.

Laura Q.

Engaging openers like asking for two truths and a lie still feel fresh and initiate good conversation.

Vanessa P.

A question that ties into my profile always works. For example, ‘I noticed you’re a nurse. Which specialization?’ It indicates genuine interest in knowing me beyond surface level.

Candice H.

A light-hearted question like ‘Your ideal Sunday: a workout, a movie, or brunch?’ Depending on the response, following up with, ‘If things go well, fancy joining me for X, Y, or Z?’ is perfect. It’s clever and ensures I’m in control of taking the next step.

Marissa D.

Humor is key. My current boyfriend broke the ice with, ‘I eat Kit Kat bars whole. Is that a dealbreaker?’ The oddity of it was so amusing, I had to respond.

Marianna B.

Find a mutual topic to start. Being a law student, if someone brings up their grad school experience or inquires about my studies, it sparks a conversation.

Rose T.

Offer genuine compliments unrelated to physical appearance. It’s refreshing when someone says they find my profile captivating or admires my outdoor adventures. It’s essential to move beyond surface-level compliments.

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